Mis Compadres,   Hope all of you are doing well and enjoying this thanksgiving break. The arctic wind and the migratory birds have arrived from Canada. Time to stay in the warmth of home and write. Finally! It has been difficult to find time, during the peak of a busy semester.   This collection of random thoughts is quite long, more personal and maybe a bit sentimental for some of you. But it comes from the depths of my heart and thoughts.   As always, what really makes this worthwhile is the feeling of communicating with you all. Hope you enjoy reading it! Sankar Random thoughts (23) -- A conversation 11/30/02   It is always good to be on the beach. I've enjoyed them in the heat of the summer, and in the heart of winter's chill with the wind freezing up the skin. They are fun during the day and few places are more romantic at night. Ocean city is both fun and romantic at night. I was sitting near the water, watching my friend walk towards me from the boardwalk. She has a very distinctive walk, like that of a peacock, slightly forward leaning and a little jerky. The light from the boardwalk reflects off her wavy hair and delineates her statuesque silhouette. She is a painting in motion. She is also my muse, my inspiration, and my sage counsellor. I wish I could say she is also my love, but that would be too much to ask for, especially when her heart belongs to another.   "This ice-cream is good," she says, sitting down. "What are you watching?" "Oh, just the boardwalk," I lie, with some difficulty. "It is great to sit here and watch it from a distance." "You don't look totally yourself, Sankar. What's going on?" Like my friend Tony would say, women can look right through you. "Since you ask, I must say I am a little broken-hearted these days." "How so?" I spend a few moments looking at her and then the water. I don't know if I should tell her about my disappointments on the romantic front. It is a topic I generally avoid raising with her, because deep inside I still harbour hopes that maybe she isn't really in love after all, and something could still develop between us. It could at some point cause my own feelings towards her to come up. That would jeopardise the friendship. I also don't want to be the one to bring up my feelings for her when she is involved with another man. On the other hand it wouldn't be honest to ignore it completely. "Well, the usual women issues, of course, but past few days I have been thinking about my own condition and the condition of the world and feeling a little despondent." "That's the problem with philosophers. You think too much," she laughs. "I am no philosopher. I just think too much."   "What is it that makes you despondent? As far as I can see you are generally a happy person." I am relieved that she didn't press me on the romantic issues. She seems to be in a very light-hearted mood.   "Well, you know, it is just momentary, but such moments do come up. Not as much as they used to, but there are always such moments. Most of the time I am enjoying the journey, enchanted by the scenery, excited by the challenges and discoveries. But once in a while I just stop and notice that there is no one around me. Even though I am meeting people all the time, I feel like I am in the middle of Siberia. Do you see what I am saying? Have you ever felt that way?"   "Hmmm. I must say I don't understand it totally. I often worry about my situation in life, about where I am going, and my plans for the future. But I don't feel lonely that often. But then again, it is partly the consequence of your own choices that you are not very close to anyone, right?"   I am not sure what exactly she meant. I thought I was close to her. Maybe not very close. She is just trying to cheer me up, though.   "Well, I haven't exactly chosen to be alone. In fact I try very hard to make friends. But it is true that most of my life I have been very introspective and wrapped in my own thoughts and activities."   "Well, there you go," she smiled. "How do you resolve it when you feel lonely?"   "I just tell myself that we are all one, and no one is ever alone."   "That is very abstract. Does it work?"   "Not really," I say, and she laughs in that half mocking, half sympathetic way of hers. "So what does work?"   "Just focussing on the moment, and not thinking about myself."   "That is a very good idea! Right now, I am going to focus all my attention on enjoying this ice-cream."   "Spoken like a true Zen master," I say. But flattery never works with her. She is truly focussed on the ice-cream. I have a sudden craving for ice-cream. Wish I had let her buy one for me as well.   "You have always had very close friends, right? There are always all these guys hanging around you, apart from your boy-friend."   "Yeah. I have a lot of friends, and I have a few very close women friends. I feel very lucky and grateful to have always had such friends," she says. I am glad she didn't start talking about her boy-friend, with dreamy eyes. "It is very difficult to stay very close to someone unless you are always with them, you know, living in the same place, like room-mates or something like that. Like you, for instance, you are always on the move, going to Europe, now to Jordan for a month, I hardly get to see you. And you say you want to go to India next year!" I notice she was starting to look away.  "Coming to the real point, what has been really bothering me is all the violence in the world, " I say, eager to change the topic.   "That is surprising, from someone who enjoys watching football and Clint Eastwood movies so much," she says, only with curiosity.   "I believe that violence is mainly in the intent. Even a war where men are dying fighting each other can be non-violent, I think."   "I can't accept that. War is always violent, no matter where and when it happens."   What I like about her is that she is always ready to question my logic and present opposing points of view.   "War can be noble, if the causes are just on both sides. Just like two reasonable people can disagree and have an argument without getting acrimonious. Like how men used to duel each other when they both were in love with the same woman. War could be an honourable way to resolve conflicts. It is also a test for one's courage and character. Nothing tests you as much as the fear of death."   "With all due respects to you, Sankar, that is just baloney," she says, with a smile. It is amazing how she could say that and still make me feel completely comfortable with it. "Why don't the two men let the woman decide who she wants to be with? I guess there might have been situations where two men couldn't avoid a duel, but I can't think of any situation that cannot be resolved without people hurting each other, whether it is between two countries or between two men. I think all that is an excuse for people to vent the need for violence that is within them. There maybe situations, like in World War II, when I think war was unavoidable, but it was still extremely violent and it was the result of the unreasonableness of one man, mostly."   "Well, I am not sure if you can blame all of World War II on Hitler. He had his whole country behind him, and a bunch of other countries with him. But I see your point." I think for a few moments. I am a little slower than her, and need some time to collect my thoughts. I am not ready yet to give up on my point.   "Okay, let us take a purely hypothetical situation. What if two groups of people decide that they want to fight a war over a certain cause, and every one of them believes in it, and every one of them is a volunteer?"   "That is, as you say, a purely hypothetical situation," she says sarcastically. "Even then, it is a means to satisfy their desire for violence, not a test of courage or character. There are plenty of other ways to test courage and character. When you hit or hurt someone, you are always acting on your animal instincts and desires."   "Okay, then you will atleast agree with me that in that sense violence is not different from sex. We are, after all, animals. If we ignore our animal desires eventually we will lose those parts of our body and mind that are equipped to satisfy them, and hence part of our humanity."   "That, I must say, I agree with," she says with a sly smile. "But I always prefer sex over violence. I don't care if I lose my instinct or desire for violence. But I do enjoy playing games that can be physical. It gets my competitive juices flowing. But games don't have to be violent."   "Did you know that one of the reasons for the free love movement in the sixties was that they thought that if everyone had a lot of sex the world would become less violent?"   "Too bad it didn't quite work out," she laughs. "I know among some monkey populations free love is the norm."   "I was watching 'Mutiny on the Bounty' on TV. In the movie some Polynesian tribes offer their women to the British as part of their hospitality."   "Did the women enjoy it?"   "At least in the movie they seemed to." She was finished with the ice-cream by now. She watches the waves crash over the sand and the white surf glimmer in the darkness for a few moments.   "We seem to have drifted from our topic quite a bit, yes? You still haven't told me what made you despondent."   "Ah yes. Like I said, violence to me is really in the intent. I think there is a tremendous amount of violence in our lives, every moment of it. We live like animals most of the time, even the most well educated and supposedly civilised and refined."   She leaned forward. "What do you mean?"   "Well, what is violence? To me, any act where you gain something for yourself at the expense of somebody else is violent. The condition "at the expense of" is important. If you don't have to force them, or if they also gain something, that is okay. But a lot of times people are simply using and abusing others. And often what people gain is simply some sort of pleasure in taking advantage of someone else. I don't know if even animals do that. The worst part is that people are not even aware of it most of the time."   "Give me an example of something that we do everyday, that we don't even think much about, but you think is an act of violence."   I look at her inquisitive and innocent face, and find it hard to think of violence. Suddenly my worries about society seem too dark and out of place. It takes me some time to think of something.   "Like we often ask people for favours, especially of people who are kind and generous and uncalculating. We don't always worry if we are using them, especially when we really need something."   "Hmmm. That maybe a little extreme, but I guess you are really trying to illustrate a general principle. I guess the same principle applies, for example, to people who run sweat shops. They are simply trying to run a business, and make a profit, and may even think that they are providing jobs where there aren't any, but are really using the blood and toil of the hapless workers."   "Yeah. Also what I am saying in general is that violence comes in many forms. It can even be in the most gentle of words, if used to hurt someone."   "Right. It is a bit too serious and too dark a view, but true nevertheless. And I see what you mean when you say we live like animals. Most of the time we are not even concerned with what we are doing to others. Only with what we want to gain for ourselves. Society as a whole is even more callous and viciously unfair towards the weak and the gullible."   "Remember the movie 'The Matrix'," I continue, "where they use people's bodies as sources of energy, the way we use plants, while keeping their minds occupied in virtual reality?"   "Yes. And you said that is a perfect metaphor for the way corporations are using TV to keep the masses entertained and for advertising while using their labour and to enrich themselves."   "Right. And I think things are only getting worse. The greed and exploitation is building up like an avalanche that threatens the whole society."   "But Sankar, don't you think things look worse than they actually are? It seems to me America is in the midst of a very prosperous era where the average person is more educated, lives better, and has more opportunity to be creative, than ever before? Maybe you are watching too much news on TV?"   I laugh but shake my head. "No, I watch mostly football these days. Very little real news. Still, you might be right. Perhaps, things aren't as bad as they seem to be. I am just telling you about my observations. I really think capitalism has deteriorated in this country, and it is more about greed today than hard work, dreams and enterprise. Greed breeds exploitation, which is violence in itself and brings forth physical violence. I think the rise of teen violence, for example, is actually the result of a society based on making money rather than the breakdown in family values. The breakdown in family values and the rise of teen violence is more a symptom of violence practiced in society and within ourselves rather than the reason."   "Another thing about this country is, Sankar, that it was founded just four hundred years ago, and it had a violent birth and childhood. Between the British and the colonials, between the colonials and the Indians, and so on. Violence is still in the veins of this young country."   "I have been watching some westerns on the classic movie channel, and I am beginning to understand that. The pioneers had a very different view towards native Americans from the ones we have today." "Going back to your point about American society and capitalism today, I still think that is too pessimistic a view," she says.   "I hope so. This country became wealthy because of its work ethics, because people produced goods for the common well-being, in the process creating prosperity for all. If you go to the country-side, even today you can see those values at work. People work hard because it is part of their life-style, because work is considered as a source of happiness in itself. They also value family life and community more than individual pleasure. But it is different in the cities."   "I think you are right about that. But then, cities have always been that way. When you put a lot of people in a small space inevitably they start competing with each other. Taking advantage of others becomes part of the game."   Now it is my turn to contradict her. "Well, that I think really depends on the society. It is not inevitable. It is true in India, but if you look at Japan, for instance, which has a high population density, it seems to be not true." "Anyway, coming back to America, you were saying that capitalism has deteriorated?"   "Yeah. Now people are confusing the ends with the means. Instead of thinking of wealth as a by-product of hard work and an honest life, now work, honesty and integrity are considered useful only as long as they help increase revenue. Anything goes as long as it produces wealth. Concern for others is considered a side issue, because, after all, capitalism is supposed to work best when everyone looks after increasing his or her own wealth."   I can see her brows tightening a bit. "But you see, there is such a thing called enlightened self-interest. I think it is more an issue of balance than the fundamentals of capitalism."   "Absolutely. What I am saying is that today the 'enlightened' part is missing, atleast among the ruling class of business and politics."   "Yes. At first they were saying it is just a few rotten apples, but recent events have really blown off that hope."   "And all it needs in order to change is some concern for others, for everyone to think about how what they do affects others! Whether it is a husband thinking about the interests of his wife, a businessman thinking about the welfare of his workers, or a worker thinking about competing with his colleagues, or the country as a whole thinking about helping poorer countries."   "After all, if you think of America as one big corporate headquarters, the whole developing world is its labour force," she says, with a glint of 'Eureka' in her eyes, her voice rising with excitement.   "I was listening to this tape of Thich Nhat Hanh, where he talks about the parable used by Buddha to illustrate the interconnectedness of everything..."   "The one where the parents have to eat their child to survive in the desert?"," she interjected.   "Yes. That is a harsh one, but it drives home the point of how we are constantly using others in order to live. I guess that is just how things are, but it makes you despair about life sometimes. It is hard to console ourselves by saying we are just doing the best we can."   "But what do you gain by despairing?"   "Nothing, but it is not always easy to accept things as they are, and look at things with detachment. In my more inspired moments I look at everything, even the most evil and brutal things going on in the world, as part of the cosmic dance, but those moments are hard to come by!"   "Well, Sankar, I hope you get more of those moments. I for one don't see the point in worrying about things I can't control. I try to enjoy life for what good things it offers me, all the beautiful things out there. Look at the moonlight dancing on the waves. Listen to the sound of the ocean. What is the point of despair? It is all part of nature. Pleasure and pain is only in our minds."   I want to say something, but the moment is too precious to waste on argument. Besides, there was nothing left to say. We sit there for a long time in silence, just watching the waves.