Long Walks On Leafy Streets

11/20/2016 Dieren, Netherlands (Thanks to Rama Satish).
Tuesday November the 8th started beautifully. It was clear and sunny and not too cold. After dropping off Prashant at the daycare I went for a bike ride. This month and the next I am avoiding running or walking as much as possible in order to let my legs heal completely from the marathon. I biked to the Georgetown Waterfront Park from Howard and back. As mentioned before this is where I proposed to Nicole as well as where we had our first date. The park is now complete and a pleasure to walk through, with beautiful landscaping. I wandered around a little bit and then spent a few minutes standing at the wall near the river, watching it flow by. I used to do a lot of that in years past, a sort of meditation on nature, with nature. It made my mind calm down and get in touch with the beauty of it all, as opposed to my own worries. I told myself that no matter what happened in the election, the river would continue to flow as it always has for millions of years. Our worries are so insignificant and inconsequential in the vast ocean of life.

After finishing work I got to the Democratic National Committee headquarters near the Capitol building. I wanted to do everything I could, even though I was tired. Although I would have liked to go to some place in Virginia to ask people to go and vote it was not practical given that polls closed at 7pm. By the time I got there it was 5pm and there was a line of volunteers waiting to get to work. I felt optimistic and everyone looked confident. People were texting voters in different states, reminding them to vote. I spent some time texting and then left for home at 7pm. At that time the results were still preliminary and I felt no need to worry.

People looked tense in the metro train. They were looking at their smartphones with a worried expression. When I got home Nicole looked very worried. She said it was too close to call even in Virginia. I still was not terribly concerned. Many of the more democratic precincts report late, so I thought Hillary would pull ahead as the night wore on. But as the hours ticked by and one by one the more Republican leaning states were quickly announced while those that usually go Democratic remained close it started to dawn on me that we might lose it. Around 10 pm it was clear to me what was going on and I decided to go to bed. Nicole, however, was still hoping for a Hillary win. But once she realized it was not going to happen she became very upset. I tried to comfort her even though I was upset myself. Something within me overcame the worries and I was able to stay calm.

I continued normally for the next two days. I reached into the depth of my being and tried to stay at a place where I felt love for everyone and not feel grief. I wished the President-elect success from within my heart. Although I did not have my normal energy I was able to perform my duties at work and home as usual. But then on Friday morning I woke up feeling disturbed. I was tired and depressed mentally and physically. I managed to drop Prashant off at his daycare. This was the veteran’s day holiday. I didn’t have to teach classes and Nicole was also feeling better and staying home, so it didn’t matter that I was not at my best. My purpose in going to campus was to work on my research.

Campus was empty and quiet. I went to my office and nobody was there in the department. In that quiet and solitude all the feelings that had been lying dormant for the previous two days came rushing out. Anger, despair, hurt, disappointment and sorrow poured out. I managed to not cry openly and composed myself in a little bit but it would take a long time for me to completely get these thoughts and feelings out of my system. Even now, more than a week after the election, I cannot believe that this has happened. It feels like we are living in a nightmare, in an alternate reality. Although it is possible for me to see that there is more to life than this, and to accept that God has a plan behind all this and that everything will turn out for the good, it is still a little bit too much of a catastrophe at least in the immediate present.

I felt like we have already lost quite a bit simply by electing this person of such deficient character and temperament. I had always believed that Americans would be fair and err on the side of caution and in the end stand with truth, justice and human decency. I had always thought of America as a place that was welcoming to immigrants and refugees. How could they elect someone after everything that person had done during his life and especially during the election? How could they reject a person who had worked all her life for the betterment of children and women in favor of someone who had spent his life enriching himself? Sure, she is a politician and not a saint, but it is such a tragedy that people had bought into this evil monster version of her and she is the one they considered untrustworthy and power hungry.

One has to move on, of course. All one can do is to carry on with his or her work and keep fighting for the causes they believe in. In my case I plan to keep doing what I can to reduce my impact on the planet’s resources and advocate for actions to fight climate change. I hope the President-elect would change once he got into office but based on what I know so far that remains a slim hope. Nevertheless one has to wish the best for him for the sake of the country and also pray for God to guide him in the right direction.

One thing became clear to me, though, is that politics as usual is a lost cause. This whole feedback loop of demonization and constant confrontation that is pursued by both sides has contributed to this state of affairs where each side believes in the worst caricature of the other. It seems to be especially bad on the Republican side where a certain section of the population seems to have become so alienated from the “other side” that they live in a completely different world with its own facts. The only way to break out of this is for each of us to look in our own hearts and see how we can be more loving of each other. Hopefully that would change other people and only when people change can our politics change.

It is difficult but little by little I am learning to nourish the seeds of love in me and not the thoughts and feelings arising from anger, despair and ego. I am trying, one moment and one person at a time, to only see the best in them. In a way, actually, I am going back to the person I was in my younger days when I was less involved with the affairs of the world, when I spent more time with nature and I was less aware of the shortcomings of people. Ultimately, though, one has to see that everything in this world, the good, the bad and even the very ugly, is all part of one beautiful cosmic dance.

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