Long Walks On Leafy Streets

6/21/2015 C & O canal towpath, Harper's Ferry, WV
It has been a long and weary Sunday. My brain is barely functioning. Nicole and I are getting used to this round the clock schedule. It helps that both of us are able to be home during these first few weeks of our son Prashant’s life. I don’t know how a single parent can handle all of this. I feel for all the single parents in America, working multiple jobs and somehow taking care of their babies with barely enough to support themselves.

I just finished preparing our dinner. Nicole is sleeping with Prashant, having fed and burped and held him until he dozed off. I must admit it is a bit of a relief to have this quiet time. I have been running around all day doing chores for the family as well as taking care of Prashant while Nicole was otherwise engaged. Prashant is eating and sleeping better.
His health is very good with no abnormalities, thanks to the Grace of God. Yet when I hold him in my arms and feel his fragile little body struggle even a little bit, whether it is a hiccup or hunger or gas or other discomfort, the anxiety starts rising within me. It feels like there is always going to be that low level anxiety in the back of my mind.

We have been very blessed in terms of the love and support from family, friends and even neighbors. Starting with the baby shower we have been showered with gifts, good wishes and good counsel. Many of our relatives and friends have visited us and brought meals for us, especially people from the Washington Mindfulness Community where we go for meditation. Yet when I am alone with Prashant I realize that he is entirely in our hands. This is the first time I am caring for someone so exclusively. I have been taking care of my parents but my sisters have an equal share in that. When I plant a seed in the garden and water it and nurture it to maturity and fruition there is a connection, a certain sense of responsibility and concern. But nothing compares to this. Shortly after his birth Nicole asked me if I felt a strong connection to him. My honest answer was that I possibly couldn’t feel the same connection she has been feeling, carrying him in her belly for over 40 weeks, and going through periods every month all of her life in preparation for this. But now I can say that the connection is getting stronger and stronger. It only develops when you are caring for someone so intensely as I am right now.

At the same time we have had to also develop a certain calmness about it. This is going to be with us all of our lives, so if we burn ourselves out with anxiety and worry we wouldn’t be able to take care of him. In this the mindfulness practice has been of great help. It teaches you to focus on what is happening at this very moment and not worry about the past or the future. Last wednesday Nicole was able to go out with the baby for the first time. We drove to the Sligo Creek Trail and walked, with Prashant wrapped up around her chest. It was a quiet afternoon. There were a few mothers walking their children and one of them chatted with us. The stream was flowing strong after the recent rains and the verdant trees kept the trail cool and shaded. We talked about how this whole experience has been one big workshop in mindfulness for us. After that we drove a few miles down the Sligo Creek Parkway that runs alongside the creek from Takoma Park to Wheaton. I have biked on it several times and also led a hike for the Sierra Club on the trail. It is a very pleasant drive.

This past week has been a very eventful one for the world. Last Thursday the historic encyclical from Pope Francis on the environment was announced. I was very happy to see the full-hearted appeal for action on climate change. I read most of the encyclical and was very impressed by its scope and breadth. Saint Francis is someone who is very close to my heart, given his lifelong commitment and caring for the natural world. Pope Francis says he takes his inspiration from him.

Unfortunately on the same day we heard of the brutal murder of some very loving and saintly people at a church in South Carolina. That even after a tragedy like this some people were still in denial about racism and the uncontrolled proliferation of guns was very disturbing to me. But as time went on it seemed to me that there was a softening of even the hardest hearts, and that maybe, just maybe, people have come to their senses and we will turn a new page. As I was doing my evening sandhyavandanam (prayer / meditation) on Friday I tried to focus my mind and lift it above its usual ego-generated thoughts and feelings. It dawned on me that the best thing I could do was to find peace within me. It is important that each of us does something that makes a difference in the world, and that starts with being at peace within ourselves. Only then we could show love and caring for others.

Directory Previous